Question 1

How do I know if my divorce is suitable for mediation?

Accepted Answer

Mediation works well for couples who are willing to communicate and make some effort toward resolution — even if they disagree on a lot and don't particularly like each other right now. It's not the right fit for situations involving domestic violence, significant power imbalances, or one party who is unwilling to participate in good faith. Not sure? Schedule a free consultation and I'll help you figure it out.

Question 2

Do we have to agree on everything before we start?

Accepted Answer

Not at all. Most couples come into mediation with significant disagreements — that's largely what a skilled mediator is there to help you work through.

And if you already agree on most things, mediation is still worth it. Couples in that position often find there are issues they hadn't thought to discuss, or terms they each understood differently. I'll help you identify what actually needs to be decided, get it documented properly, and prepare the California court paperwork so it's done right the first time.

Question 3

Can we mediate if we're not on speaking terms?

Accepted Answer

Yes. Sessions can be structured so that communication flows through the mediator rather than directly between parties when tensions are high. Remote sessions also help with this — you're each in your own space.

Question 4

Do I need a lawyer if I'm using a mediator?

Accepted Answer

Not necessarily. Many clients complete their divorce with just a mediator.

That said, I always encourage clients to work with an independent consulting attorney at some point in the process. A consulting attorney represents you — not both of you — and can explain how California law applies to your specific situation, help you think through what a fair outcome looks like before you're sitting at the table, and prepare you for difficult negotiations. It's genuinely useful to have someone in your corner who can advise you individually, because as a mediator I have to stay neutral and can't advocate for either of you.

The timing matters more than the amount. A single substantial conversation early on is worth more than a review at the very end, once the terms are settled and there's nothing left to do but sign. I'm happy to refer you to mediation-friendly attorneys. And if you're working with a different mediator, I provide consulting attorney services myself.

Question 5

Can I hire an attorney for just part of my divorce?

Accepted Answer

Yes. This is called working with a consulting attorney (or limited scope representation), and it's common in California — you hire an attorney for specific, defined tasks rather than to handle your entire case. You don't necessarily have to put down a large retainer or sign on for full representation.

One practical note: if you want an attorney's input, get it early rather than at the very end. People often assume the right move is to negotiate everything themselves and then have a lawyer bless the final document. It's the wrong order. Once an agreement is finished and both spouses think they're done, advice about it can come too late to use — you either sign something you now have doubts about, or you reopen a deal your spouse considers closed. Bring someone in while the terms are still being worked out and the same money buys you far more.

Question 6

Do I need to file for divorce before contacting a mediator?

Accepted Answer

No. You can reach out before filing anything — many people do. I can help you understand the process, figure out what actually needs to be decided, and start working through issues before any paperwork goes to the court. Starting here often means the filing itself is simpler, because you already know what you're asking for.

Question 7

Can we do mediation if we've already been to court?

Accepted Answer

Yes. There's no point in a California divorce that's too late for mediation. You can come to mediation after filing, after attorneys are involved, after a contested hearing, even with a trial date on the calendar. Cases settle on the courthouse steps all the time — and the further along you are, the more you've usually already spent getting there.

If you're in active litigation, mediation doesn't mean abandoning your case. It means trying to resolve it yourselves before a judge resolves it for you. If you reach an agreement, it gets submitted to the court and your trial date goes away. If you don't, your case proceeds as it was. One thing worth knowing: if you have attorneys, they should be in the loop — mediation works better alongside your existing representation than behind its back.

Question 8

What is the difference between a mediator and a consulting attorney?

Accepted Answer

A mediator is a neutral third party who helps both spouses reach agreements. The mediator doesn't represent either of you and can't advise either of you individually — the neutrality is the whole point, and it's what makes it possible for both people to trust the process.

A consulting attorney represents one spouse. They give you legal advice from your perspective, help you understand what California law means for your specific situation, prepare you for negotiations, and review agreements before you sign. They're in your corner, not in the middle.

I provide both services. Which one fits depends on what you're trying to do: if you and your spouse want to work through your divorce together, you want a mediator. If you want someone advising you individually — whether you're in mediation with someone else, negotiating directly, or just trying to understand where you stand — you want a consulting attorney.

One important limit: I can serve as your mediator or as one spouse's consulting attorney in a given case, but never both. Once I'm the neutral, I stay the neutral. If you're already working with me as a mediator and want individual legal advice, I'll refer you to another attorney for that.

Question 9

Who pays for the mediation?

Accepted Answer

Typically the cost is split between both spouses, but this is something you can work out between yourselves. It's negotiable.

Question 10

What are the California court filing fees?

Accepted Answer

As of 2026, filing a joint petition for dissolution in California generally costs $435. This fee is paid directly to the court and is not included in my mediation packages. Fee waivers may be available depending on income.

Question 11

Does mediation have to be in person?

Accepted Answer

No. I conduct all sessions remotely via video, which means I can work with couples anywhere in California — all counties, any city.

Question 12

Can we mediate just part of our divorce — for example, just custody?

Accepted Answer

Yes. You can engage a mediator for specific issues without necessarily mediating everything. Some couples mediate custody separately from financial issues, for example.

Question 13

What if my spouse doesn't want to do mediation?

Accepted Answer

You can't force someone to mediate. But if you're open to it, I'm happy to talk through how to have that conversation with your spouse — what the process looks like, what the costs compare to, and what the alternatives are. Sometimes hearing it from a professional helps. I have an article on the blog page about this very topic that may be helpful to you.

Question 14

Is mediation confidential?

Accepted Answer

Generally yes — California law protects mediation communications as confidential. This is one of the important advantages of the process compared to litigation, where everything is on the public record.

Question 15

What if mediation doesn't work?

Accepted Answer

Mediation doesn't work for everyone, and that's okay. If you reach an impasse, you still have the option to pursue other processes including collaborative law or litigation. Starting with mediation doesn't lock you in, and many divorcing couples are able to make significant progress on their divorce in mediation even if it does not reach a full resolution.

Frequently Asked Questions